Thursday, March 24, 2005

How was I born? Joke

Son: Daddy, how was I born?

Dad: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!!

Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the "delete" button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared

and said: "You've got male!!!"

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

How to Find Lost Objects

The method is based on what Is called the Twelve Principles—a set of precepts designed to lead you directly to any lost object. Like a bloodhound!

The Twelve Principles are: ?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

QUOTE

" All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it" Quote by Samuel Butler 1912.

Quote of the Week:

The wise are not wise because they make no mistakes. They are wise because they correct their mistakes as soon as they recognize them. - Orson Scott Card (1951- ), Xenocide

Government services online

Is there a planning application pending in your street? How long are hospital and school waiting lists? Find the answer to these questions, and more, with CW?'s guide to e-government.
You'll soon be able to access all government services online, at least if government meets its end-of-year deadline. In theory, you'll be able to check what day your rubbish collection falls over the Easter bank holidays, search for schools in your area, register with a GP, check hospital waiting lists, read the latest budget and even file your tax return electronically.
Access national government

The entry point to the UK's 'online government' is the Directgov website www.direct.gov.uk. Directgov is a treasure trove of information about public services such as GPs, hospitals, the Inland Revenue and schools. You can also look up government papers such as details of the Lottery Bill, for example.
Navigation bar

Along the top of the Directgov website are five tabs, which will remain regardless of where you are on the site.

Directgov home takes you back to the home page. Info for arranges information according to personal circumstances and includes categories such as 'Disabled People', and 'Parents'. Info about has general information on topics such as 'Learning' and 'Money'. Quickfind lists directories of government services, including links to local councils. Finally, Newsroom is the place to go for government news, statements, publications and announcements.
Information central

The main part of the screen organises links under three main headings: 'Find what you need', 'Most popular services' and 'Directories'.

Find what you need contains general information on everything from Tax Basics to Travel. Click on Parenting and you'll find advice on how to choose the right childcare option, for example. Most popular services contains more specific information including a link to 'find a local school'. Simply enter your postcode to search for schools in your local area. The search presents key facts about each school including its religious affiliation, the number of pupils and its performance. Directories includes an A-to-Z of local councils.
Leaning to the right

The right-hand side of Directgov hosts News Headlines. Go to the bottom of the page, however, and hidden away is a useful link to 'Find forms online'; a tax-rebate form, say.
Interacting with government services

Most government services are still primarily accessible face-to-face, or by good old-fashioned phone calls or snail mail. But some government services now allow you to interact with them directly via the web. These services are grouped in a section called 'Do it online', under the Most popular services menu.

* File an electronic tax return |
* Land registry |
* Report non-emergency crimes |
* Renew or replace a passport

File an electronic tax return

One of the most popular government services online is filing an electronic tax return; you can also apply for child benefit and tax credits. Click 'Do it online' then 'Do it online by category' at the top of the page, then scroll down to the bottom of the page and click 'Money'. Click the link to 'Complete your Income Tax Self Assessment (SA) online', then the external link to Tax Self Assessment.

You should now find yourself on the Inland Revenue's website (www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk). You need to register with the Inland Revenue's website to be able to use the service – register under 'new user'. First you must tick, which service you need 'Child Benefit Online', 'Self Assessment Online' or 'Tax Credit Online' and click the Register button. Enter your name, email address and a password then click Continue.

The site will ask for your unique taxpayer reference, National Insurance number and postcode so make sure you have these to hand before you start.
top
Land registry

Looking to move to a new area? The section entitled 'Find local property prices' is well worth a visit. The link jumps to the Land Registry website where you can enter your desired location (Stratford-On-Avon, say). The search engine will tell you the average price for a detached, semi-detached, terraced house, and a flat there.

It's also useful if you're selling your own property - just enter the postcode to discover the average price of a house or flat in your area.
top
Report non-emergency crimes

You can also report non-emergency crimes from the 'Do it online' area of via Directgov (the link takes you to www.online.police.uk). First, click to say whether you are the victim of the crime. Next, pick the type of crime that you want to report; theft, criminal damage or vandalism, theft from a motor vehicle or damage to a motor vehicle. Next enter your name, then your contact details and click 'submit'. For emergencies, you should still dial 999.

In the event that you have information affecting national security you can also email MI5, anonymously, if you wish (www.mi5.gov.uk).
top
Renew or replace a passport

You can renew or replace your passport (www.passport-applications.gov.uk) online. To be more accurate, you can pay for a new passport and fill out an application form. But, as online signatures are still some way off, to complete the process, you'll still have to sign and return a form sent to you by the Passport Service.
Accessing local services

Two thirds of contact between citizens and government happens at local level. Often, your local council's website is the best place to start if you're looking for a care home for a relative, need to find a school, pay your council tax or even book a squash court at the local sports centre. 'The average person wants to know whether a telephone mast is being put up next to their kid's school or whether there are plans to widen the road,' said Paul Smith, research director for e-government consultancy Kable.
www.one-ipswich.com

The good news is that all 355 English local government authorities (LGAs) have pledged to have their services online by year end. Ipswich Borough Council, for instance, is using a graphical information system (GIS), a piece of software that pulls together information about a place, and organises it on a geographical basis. The borough's online portal www.one-ipswich.com has a map on its home page divided into five key areas. By clicking on their area residents can search local services such as 'advice and support', 'wildlife' and 'nature and parks'.

Bracknell Forest Council has also embraced e-government. Local residents can pay their council tax, make mortgage repayments or pay rent online. 'I want a website not a notice board,' said Councillor Paul Bettison, leader of Bracknell Forest and e-government champion for the Local Government Association (LGA). 'My residents are accustomed to setting up a standing order to pay their council tax at four in the morning using online banking; they get hacked off if they can't tell us that they've done it at 4:10am,' he continued.

Alternatively, if a Bracknell Forest local suspects their neighbour is trying to sneak through a controversial planning application, they can look it up on the website. Equally, if they're awaiting a planning application decision of their own, they can monitor its progress electronically.

The website is also making it easier for the 6,200 council tenants in the borough to report a fault, such as a blocked sink, with a couple of mouse clicks. 'The website features a schematic diagram of the house; tenants can click on the room where there's a problem, and then, for example, click on the sink if that's where the problem is, they can even select the u-bend. When the technician comes he knows exactly what the problem is and is more likely to have the part on board,' says Bettison.

Bracknell Council has also introduced what Bettison claims to be 'the world's most multi-application smart card.' Dubbed 'The Edge', the card is available to all local residents. Schools in the Borough Council are making good use of the cards, which can be topped up with dinner money as a kind of electronic purse (parents can even stipulate how much cash pupils can spend per day) and is also used to register pupils in the morning.
E-citizen project

The Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM) has invested £2.5 million in the 'e-citizen' project, which is designed to ensure that all citizens have the same access to local government services, regardless of where they live. The first stage, just reaching completion, is to ask every local authority who they hope to reach with online services, how they're doing it and how successful they've been. The second, bigger, challenge is to inform local residents about the services they can access online. 'If you ask people what they want from a council website they can't vocalise it but once they visit the site they are keen to get involved,' said Neil Wholey, head of e-government research for MORI.

Until the e-citizen project really takes off, you can find your own local council via Directgov using the A-to-Z of local councils (under Quickfind).

WEBSITE LINKS
Directgov

E-citizen
IDeA (Improvement and Development Agency)
Inland Revenue
Local Government Association</b>
MI5
NHS
UK Passport Services


Thursday, March 17, 2005

Dig This: You're going to watch this short video a couple of times, I promise, because it's so, well, remarkable. The guys' timing and aim are amazing; and if you think this footage has been tinkered with, notice how the woman rubs her head after the swoosh. [Thanks, Alex.]

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Best blogs on the web' honoured

The best of the web's blogs - online diaries or websites where people publish their thoughts - have been recognised in the annual Bloggies.

Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things took the top overall blog prize.

The prize for the best British blog and the lifetime achievement award went to plasticBag.org, a site dedicated to musings about people and new media. .........cont.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Just For Grins

In my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"The act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard the terms:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
Selective Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.

SHAZAM! It suddenly all came into clear perspective.
Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

Just For Grins

In my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"The act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard the terms:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
Selective Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.

SHAZAM! It suddenly all came into clear perspective.
Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

EasyMobile.com launches in the UK

Mobile phone company easyMobile.com will launch today in the UK, claiming to be the first operator to offer low-cost, no-frills services to consumers based on internet-only sales. The company will extend the service to 11 other key European markets at a later date.

Stelios Haji-Ioannou, founder of the easyGroup, said that the launch will leave rivals "running scared".

"I think that is why Orange, the competitor owned by the France Telecom, is running so scared that it decided to take us to court over a spurious claim that we cannot use the colour orange.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Woman impaled on bath tap

NoteThought you might find this story interesting but have refrained from publishing any photos as it could have been someone I know.

From correspondents in New York
March 04, 2005
From: Agence France-Presse


A 92-year-old Harlem woman who fell in her bathtub became impaled on the cold water tap and screamed for help for more than six hours before she was rescued, the New York fire department said.
After falling yesterday, she banged on walls and shouted for help for hours, said Lieutenant James McCluskey.

"The neighbours at first thought it was a plumber," he said.

Neighbours finally used a key to get into the apartment, finding her with the four-pronged knob stuck in her, the Daily News reported.


Firefighters cut the metal tap with bolt cutters and took her to Harlem Hospital where it was removed.( The TAP that is)

"It was in there pretty good," Lt. McCluskey said.

Ms Riley was resting at the Harlem Hospital today as was her bottom.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

TELEO (Beta)


Due to the overwhelming success of Teleo's beta launch, you may experience difficulty connecting to the service. We are currently upgrading our system, and will restore service as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience during our beta test phase.
Check back later